Now, I want to talk about a very significant part of the human personality that is negative and based in fear [the “inadequate” part of our ego.] It shows itself in adult life, but it actually gets its formative start during this developmental stage of the child’s life. This is not to imply inevitability, fate, or even destiny, but rather this is to help you reach some insight into how this part of the personality gets its start.
There are only two forces at work in the universe, love, and fear. Love is, and always has been more powerful than fear, however, where love is not accepted, fear will be. Therefore, it is for this reason that I will explain how this part of the personality that becomes ruled by fear gets it start. How a child is raised, has greater significance than parents generally give any thought to.
For instance, children who are made to feel that they have no control in their lives, by being treated to alternating periods of abuse through neglect, and or abuse through a rigidity resulting from social, economic, religious, or psychological pressures, are likely to be terrified of losing control. This will then have a tendency later on the life as an adult to fixate in the part of the personality ruled by fear as a sort of *self-destruction*.
For those children who are never deserving enough of whatever they want, and who are required to defer or postpone to other family members, will become terrified of worthlessness and will eventually tend to fixate this later on as an adult, in the part of the personality ruled by fear as a sort of *martyrdom*. This is especially true if the damage to the child is never compensated or redressed.
For those children who do not live up to what is expected of them, and who are constantly damned with false praise or reminded of their inadequacies, will have a dread of inadequacy, and will have a tendency to fixate this later on, as a sort of *self-deprecation*.
There are children who are never prepared for the changes in their lives. They often placed in unfamiliar and frightening positions without any preparation. They will end up being terrified by new situations, and will tend to fixate this later on in the adult personality that is ruled by fear, as a sort of *stubbornness*, particularly if the child is mocked or made fun of.
The children who are deprived of personal contact in their lives, and are offered substitutes or rewards in place of attention and physical contact, will develop a sense of emptiness or a sense of want. Later, they will have a tendency to fixate this in adulthood [the part that is ruled by fear] as a sort of *greed*.
For the children who find themselves critically or maliciously teased, whose differences are regarded with derision, contempt, or a deliberate lack of understanding, they will develop a constant sense of vulnerability, and will tend to fixate this later on in the part of the adult, ruled by fear, as *arrogance*.
Children who are rarely allowed to participate in events, or whose participation is severely restricted, through either the familial icon or social pressures, will develop a constant sense of missing something, and will tend to fixate this later on in the adult personality ruled by fear, as a sort of *impatience*.
These patterns while not exact sciences, to a greater or lesser degree, apply to as much as 80-90% of all human beings. *Greed*, *arrogance*, and *impatience* are all the result of a sense of a lack, and these manifestations of fear show themselves in covert or secret ways.
*self-destruction*, *martyrdom*, and *self-deprecation* are all the result of a specific focused dread, and these manifestations of fear show themselves in overt or not secret ways.
Stubbornness is a fixed or unyielding manifestation.
Just to clarify something; this part of the personality that is ruled by fear, it is in a manner of speaking, acquired as part of the transit of the third major internal developmental milestone in the life. This is the point where the childhood ends and the adulthood begins, or another way to say this is at the point where the individual is ‘out of the nest.’
This part of the adult personality tries to control the show, by way of using fear from within the psychology of the individual possessing it. It distorts their perceptions and then reinforces the distortions created, and sometimes completely masking the actuality of experience. As long as love is present, this part of the personality will not be. However, whenever love is not accepted, understand that fear will be present, even if in a much distilled form.
For those children who were raised in a certain manner as previously described, with respect to the fear being fixated as a sort of *stubbornness*, it will show itself in the following manner. Since their fear is of dealing with new situations, they will tend to either make any life situations as much like other situations already familiar with, or find very inventive ways to avoid the new situation entirely. Remember that while stubbornness may be viewed as a useful quality, coming from fear, it is most likely born of a panic or other less obvious forms of fear.
For those children who fixated their fear as a sort of *self-destruction*, they will have an underlying fear of loss of control. These individuals will often be terribly well disciplined people, and I do not use this expression lightly.
For the ones who fixated their fear as a sort of *self-deprecation*, then these individuals will have an underlying fear if inadequacy. They will be prone to informing others not to expect too much of themselves, as they are too busy doing things for other people, or that they have a variety of irons in the fire, all of which demand the time and attention of them. In addition, they will sometimes lavish or freely give praise upon others in hopes that some of it will be returned to them to boost their own sagging confidence.
The ones that fixated as a sort of *martyrdom* will have an underlying fear of worthlessness. These individuals will find a myriad or an indefinitely large number of ways in which to tempt fate in order to do something that will establish worth finally. This can manifest as thankless families, wasting diseases, sabotaged careers, destructive personal relationships, and an almost constant search for the proof of their worthiness. Many times these individuals are convinced that if they will just suffer enough, someone eventually will assure them that it somehow was all worth it.
For the ones who fixated as a sort of *greed*, there will be an underlying fear of a loss of want. Whatever it is that they fixate their greed upon, there is not the possibility of such a thing as enough of it, even if they have all there is of it in the world. Of all the possible fixations of fear, this one is the hardest on those who are around the person holding the greed, because concerning whatever they focus the greed upon; they are likely to become completely ruthless about it.
For the individuals who fixated their fear as a sort of *arrogance*, there will be an underlying fear of vulnerability. These people are truly shy, although it is also true that it may not appear this way, particularly those who encounter them casually. They are determined not to reveal any aspect of their vulnerability. In fact, they will deny that it exists, or they will deny that they have been hurt, and if this is undeniable, then they will claim that they can take it.
The ones who have fixated their fear as a sort of *impatience*, will have an underlying fear of missing something, along with the assumption that whatever is being missed is more important than whatever they are currently doing. These individuals have great difficulty finishing things, whether of small or major importance. Just as greed was the most difficult for others, impatience is the most difficult for the individual possessing it.
This is because it causes constant restlessness and dissatisfaction. Impatience is often thought of as an attractive trait in men, and indeed, it can serve as a stimulus in relationships. However, the opportunity to develop the relationship is very poor, especially if the impatience is strong.
Why is any of this important? It is very important if one is to achieve understanding of self, and of others. Why is it important to have understanding of self, or others? It is very important if we are to have the most full and rich lives possible, otherwise, we actually end up becoming a “shell” of our former identity in the life, as we become aged and elderly.
It is fully possible and realistic to become greater as we physically age, and not less. In the most simplest of terms, it is our “programming,” which determines the outcome of either. Knowing this, we have a choice as to how we choose to “program” the children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren in our lives, as well as altering our own programming, in order to create the world we wish to live in.
There is no greater life-work than to look at your own life, for the purpose of learning from it, knowing that, how will you choose to proceed?
The preceding information is excerpted from the third chapter of my second book “Integral Resolutions Vol 1: The Evolution of a Human Lifetime.” If you find anything of value within it, please click here ->
Enjoy the changes coming into your lives,
(An Old Soul Spiritual Teacher)
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